Archive for August, 2006

Arab propaganda outdoes Nazis

“The Arab press has outdone Hitler’s propaganda,” Anti-Defamation League National director Abraham Foxman said Monday, noting that “a grotesque propaganda war which has reached a new dimension” had emerged from the war in Lebanon.

Foxman, speaking at an ADL press conference in Jerusalem, said the anti-Semitic material in the Arab press frequently depicts Israeli control over the UN, an irony noted by Foxman, who pointed to the UN support of Arab causes, particularly in the UN Human Rights Council.

Cartoon published in the Syrian A-Dustur

Over 100 incidents of anti-Semitism have been triggered by the war in Lebanon, Foxman said, and while there had been an increase in the US and Europe, the situation was not nearly as serious as in the Arab world.

“Conflict in the Middle East legitimizes anti-Semitic actions worldwide,” explained the ADL director. However, he noted that “if you over hype specific incidents, such as the attack in Seattle, the anti-Semites win because people will stop going to Jewish centers and institutions – it’s a delicate balance.”

Commenting on Germany’s potential role as part of the UN peacekeeping force, Foxman said that its participation “is still an issue.”

“The fact that one still needs to struggle with the issue is important, but at the end of the day I would like to see the Germans as peacekeepers,” Foxman said. He added that “it is important that there is an element of historical trauma. Jews and Germans will always have that shadow of history, but it’s healthy.”

[tag]Israel, ADL, Germans, Abraham Foxman, United Nations, Anti-Defamation League, anti semitism, propaganda, arab, nazi[/tag]

Seven Dwarfs speak out on Pluto saga

Los Angeles – Pluto may have been cast out to the darkest reaches of the Solar System but will always be a friend to the Seven Dwarfs.

The Walt Disney characters have issued a hard-hitting statement after the world’s top astrononomical body decided on Thursday to relegate Pluto to the lowly status of a “dwarf planet”.

School textbooks will have to be rewritten – and Mickey Mouse’s faithful companion is said by Disney insiders to be anguished over the fate of his planetary namesake.

But the Seven Dwarfs are not taking it lying down.

“Although we think it’s DOPEY that Pluto has been downgraded to a dwarf planet, which has made some people GRUMPY and others just SLEEPY, we are not BASHFUL in saying we would be HAPPY if Disney’s Pluto would join us as an eighth dwarf,” they insisted.

“We think this is just what the DOC ordered and is nothing to SNEEZE at.”

Pluto the dog made his debut in 1930 – the same year that a 24-year-old American astronomer, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered what until now was called the ninth and outermost planet.

A white-gloved, yellow-shoed source close to Disney’s top dog said: “I think the whole thing is goofy.

“Pluto has never been interested in astronomy before, other than maybe an occasional howl at the moon.”

Mickey Mouse was unavailable for comment.

[tag]pluto, disney, seven dwarfs, mickey mouse, Clyde Tombaugh, planet, solar system[/tag]

You can’t be a table and also a chair

Reuters reports today that comedian Jackie Mason is suing Jews for Jesus for $4million.

Jews for Jesus thought it was amusing to put comedian Jackie Mason’s image on a pamphlet aimed at converting Jews to Christianity, but Mason found it no laughing matter and has sued the group for $4 million (2.1 million pounds).

“I found it disgusting and obnoxious, and I find it even more disgusting and obnoxious that the spokesman for that organisation says, ‘Why doesn’t he have a sense of humour about it?’” Mason, 75 and famously Jewish, told Reuters on Friday.

“It’s like if they kidnap my children and say, ‘So what, you never saw a child before?’”

Mason’s lawyer filed the suit in New York Supreme Court on Wednesday, and Jews for Jesus on Friday asked a federal court to take the case. It is now up to a federal judge to decide which court should have jurisdiction.

It’s the quotes from his affidavit that make me smile though.

“As everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzoh ball or kosher salami (not to mention that I was an ordained rabbi),”

“He’s a public persona. It postulated that even someone as Jewish as Jackie Mason could come to faith in Jesus if he wanted to,” said Susan Perlman, a spokeswoman for the group. “It’s humorous, hardly labelling him a Jew for Jesus. … We thought it would be flattering to him,” she said.

Mason was having none of that though. “First of all there’s no such thing as a Jew for Jesus. If you believe in Jesus you’re a Christian. That’s the point of Christianity. You can’t be a table and also a chair.

“I have to develop a whole new act now,” said Mason, who accused the group of stealing his “schtick” of poking fun at the differences between Jews and Gentiles.

[tag]Jackie Mason, Jews for Jesus, gentiles, jews, comedian, legal[/tag]

Israelis summon rain (and not through prayer)

As reported in todays Manchester Evening News, Israeli scientist plan to summon rain out of a cloudless sky by painting the ground black. Scientists hope that the technique, to be tested later this year in the Negev desert, will banish drought. Computer simulations have shown that heated air rising from the black panels (made of thermal material) will cause vapour to condense into clouds and fall as rain. Researchers believe that manipulating air currents in this way can beat droughts.

Reading this, not a week after the world was condeming Israel as the cause of most problems makes a nice change.

Letter of Resignation

This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is “I prefer not to comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your “favourites list”, which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mothers b-day”, you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f– k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Ted Brewer