Archive for December, 2006

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ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “Faaackinell”.

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning.”

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after – items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

  • Microwave meals,
  • Tins of baked beans,
  • Ice cream,
  • Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
‘Where are you bleeding from?’ they asked, “ROMFORD” said the girl, “woss that gotta do wiv you?

Neturei Karta – Not Kosher

Despite being wholly unrepresentative of Ultra-Orthodox Judaism or the Jewish people in general, many of the images of the widely condemned Iranian Holocaust Denial conference featured members of the Neturei Karta sect. The conference featured an unsavory variety of Holocaust deniers and anti-Semites under the false guise of promoting “freedom of speech”.

While some of the media may have given Neturei Karta unwarranted airtime and newspaper columns, the Jewish world has made it abundantly clear that this extreme fringe represents nobody but themselves.

The Satmar, the largest Ultra-Orthodox movement published an unprecedented statement calling on the public to disassociate themselves from those Neturei Karta who attended the Iranian conference, while Israeli Chief Rabbi Yonah Metzger also called for a boycott.

British Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks also condemned Neturei Karta, saying:

“Lest those unfamiliar with Neturei Karta take it to represent a significant strand within Jewry, it should be made clear that it is an extremely small and unrepresentative sect whose views are rejected by the overwhelming majority of Jews, religious and secular alike.”

HonestReporting urges subscribers to ensure that the media does not mislead the general public into thinking that Neturei Karta is the legitimate face of world Jewry despite this group’s existence far beyond the accepted and recognized framework of the Jewish people. Neturei Karta is definitely not Kosher.

I’m not dead!

Hello all

Yes, I know it’s been a while. If I was to say that I have been busy well…..that would be an understatement.

Life is good at the minute, uni is going well (loads of work to do in my final year), social life is going good and work is ok. It would take me ages to give you a run down on everything that I have been doing over the last couple of months.

This weekend though, I got the chance to actually sit down and read a couple of news papers and see what’s been going on in the world. I have to say that this weekend had two of the best articles I have ever seen in news papers.

The first was an article in the Times on Saturday and was in the ‘Books’ section. I had to do a double take when first scanning through, just take a look yourselves:

Yes, an article dedicated to me (I wish).

The next article made me near enough wet myself. Good old Mail on Sunday for completely throwing out the politically correct madness that is engulfing this country at the minute (mind you it’s pretty obvious that it’s all a PR stunt and this person is actually Avid Merrion):

I think I shall leave you with these and ask for your comments please.

Martyn