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Los Angeles - Pluto may have been cast out to the darkest reaches of the Solar System but will always be a friend to the Seven Dwarfs.

The Walt Disney characters have issued a hard-hitting statement after the world’s top astrononomical body decided on Thursday to relegate Pluto to the lowly status of a “dwarf planet”.

School textbooks will have to be rewritten - and Mickey Mouse’s faithful companion is said by Disney insiders to be anguished over the fate of his planetary namesake.

But the Seven Dwarfs are not taking it lying down.

“Although we think it’s DOPEY that Pluto has been downgraded to a dwarf planet, which has made some people GRUMPY and others just SLEEPY, we are not BASHFUL in saying we would be HAPPY if Disney’s Pluto would join us as an eighth dwarf,” they insisted.

“We think this is just what the DOC ordered and is nothing to SNEEZE at.”

Pluto the dog made his debut in 1930 - the same year that a 24-year-old American astronomer, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered what until now was called the ninth and outermost planet.

A white-gloved, yellow-shoed source close to Disney’s top dog said: “I think the whole thing is goofy.

“Pluto has never been interested in astronomy before, other than maybe an occasional howl at the moon.”

Mickey Mouse was unavailable for comment.

[tag]pluto, disney, seven dwarfs, mickey mouse, Clyde Tombaugh, planet, solar system[/tag]

This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is “I prefer not to comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your “favourites list”, which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mothers b-day”, you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f– k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Ted Brewer

A last thought before I drift off to sleep:

If you are Jewish and single, does that make you a Jingle?

Good night. :D

A Texan, a Frenchman and an Israeli are on a plane flying over the Pacific Ocean when the engines stop functioning. The plane crash lands on a Pacific Island and the three are immediately captured by a tribe of cannibals and taken to their village.

The Chief tells the three captives that these cannibals are civilized and they have a custom on their island that before they eat anyone, they grant that person his or her last wishes, no matter what they are.

He asks the Texan, “What is your last wish?” The Texan replies: “I want a 2 inch thick steak with all the trimmings, Cajun fries and a case of Budweiser Beer.” The Chief motions to some of his tribesmen who immediately runs into the jungle and come back with the steak, the fries and the beer. The Texan eats his meal and he is thrown in the cooking pot.

The Frenchman is asked: “What is your last wish?” He replies: “I would like a case of Dom Perignon and I would also like a big plate of escargots cooked in the French manner.” The Chief motions to his tribesmen who immediately rushes off into the jungle and bring back everything the Frenchman asked for. He eats and drinks his fill, and he is then thrown in the cooking pot.

The Chief turns to the Israeli and asks, “And what is your wish?” The Israeli looks the Chief squarely in the eyes and replies: “I want you to kick me as hard as you can.” The Chief is bewildered and asks the Israeli again, only to receive the same reply. “I want you to kick me as hard as you can.”

The Chief shrugs his shoulders, asks the Israeli to turn around, and kicks him as hard as he can. With that, the Israeli pulls out a gun and kills the Chief and all of the other cannibals. The Texan and the Frenchman get out of the pot, look at the Israeli and say: “If you had that gun why did not you do anything sooner?”

The Israeli replies: “What? And risk being condemned by the UN, the European Union, and the US State Department for overreacting to insufficient provocation?”